Through it All- My Testimony

There are many other blogs out there that can either help you with your daily life or give you some general information on a specific topic. You can either soak in the information given to you or move on to the next post. I hope the story I am sharing with you all,will not allow you to just "move on to the next post.

First, I would like to say, I do not normally share "my life stories" with anyone & everyone. However,by the grace of God and having a close relationship with Him. I am now asked to share my story to whoever this will touch!


To those who are wondering, yes I am a Christian! As a matter of fact, I truly consider myself a disciple for Jesus Christ. I was not always like this you know? I will take you back to when I was younger and shed some light on my life. I will try to explain in a nutshell who used to be before I committed my life to Jesus Christ.



I grew up in the 90's.. My parents were still married but separated. They both did not live in the same house together.My mother, younger sister and I lived in a house and my father came to visit when he could. I never knew why my father just visited and not stay at home with us. It was not until I became a little older; I learned that not only my father, but many of my other close relatives had an addiction to drugs &alcohol at that period of time. I can recall seeing my relatives play card games & the beer cans in the recycle bin. We were never a family who attended church at all. My grandfather was the first among us who went church. It was from then on... one by one some of us started to attend church on Sundays (including me, my sis & cousin).
Overtime (late 90's), my father moved back in with my mother and he was clean. God had delivered and set my father free from his addiction. My father has been clean ever since. :) We all were now going to church (even my grandmother).
Unfortunately, my grandfather had passed away & times became difficult for our family. However, we decided to still continue to go to church.

At 13 yrs of age I started middle school and I was still attending church with my folks. I honestly understood very little about who God was and why I still had to go to church. Church became a hang out place for me. There were so many youth at our church that the youth outnumbered the adults.
When I was 13, I was teased alot at school. I was underdeveloped in the chest section, thin physically and tried my best to fit in. I was known as the "smart girl" because I was really good at math. (The reason for this was that I barely had passed 5th grade! I was enrolled a math program & progressed from there. Math was really not my subject). I only had 4-5 friends in middle school. Boys rarely looked at me.The only boy who crushed on me was my distant cousin and that was just all wrong. I would come back home from school crying daily because I was picked on. I had disliked school soo much that i never wanted to go back! My parents knew about what was going on and promised me that I everything would get better. Did I try to believe it? Yes but it was hard. My parents were only trying their best to comfort and teach me what they knew based on their own experiences.


By the end of my last year in middle school (2001 year) I battled self esteem issues & didn't fully recover from it. Little did I know that these issues would carry on into my high school years.
High school was different and I was very determined to be myself and fit in. It was at a new school and there was well over 800 kids. I got picked on my first year again... by 1 person instead of a group of 5 people. I also had a better understanding of who God was but not necessarily. My prayer times consisted of before eating a meal &sleeping at night.
During these years I became a "new person". My self esteem issues carried into high school. I goth it on by older guys and it boosted my confidence but not by much. I then decided to want to be like everyone else I went to school with. I never did drugs, alcohol, or smoked, but I had turned my back on my parents and God. I became rebellious. I had a swearing problem & my parents did not know until got snitched on at church one Sunday morning. Because of who I became I knew God didn't like it and at that point in time I had a "I didn't care attitude". .I thought I was invisible, can get away with anything. I told God I was leaving and I'll see you whenever. I wanted to be like the world and have what other people had. I had friends in high school and cut class alot. I still passed all my classes and graduated on time.Even though I had this attitude about me I was still feeling empty inside & alone. However,I was still was going to church with my family.
While I was in high school, I had a friend introduce me to a guy she was "talking to online". Things didn't take off in a good direction so I ended up talking to him. He was 3 years older than me and I had met him from the Internet. I never met him a day in my life but constantly spoke to him over messenger and on the phone. We became close and things went deeper from that point on. I thoughts was that I was happy,and finally accepted for who I was. This is what I thinking and believed. I was a mess at that time... seriously People. It was like one of those Law and Order SUV episodes.Young girl meets old guy in a chat room. You get my drift. Straight delusional. For me, it was an escape from all the problems I personally had but didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't talk to my parents about my self-esteem issues because I didn't think they would understand.
As time went on I was so close with this guy i met to the point where I became stuck and so called "in love with him". Due to the connection I had with this guy, I opened doors I had no business entering. I had became promiscuous (for example masturbation). I even put this guy before my family. Which is known today as idolatry. I even engaged in things I shouldn't have did. However, in the midst of it all God had a plan for my life and never gave up on me. He was with me when I was blind to the truth, God was there when this guy had deeply hurt me, the lies, arguments, all the above and then some. I turned into a person my parents didn't even recognize anymore. Although did all these things, I spiritually was a wreck. Not only was I in low self-esteem, but I became depressed,& insecure at the age of 16. I even wanted to commit suicide.Life was not worth living to me. Life was not going 'my way'. In my mind nothing was going to get any better and Satan had me trapped, tied up and bound by everything. Each guy I was either involved with or dated later on in my life didn't work out. They either were trying to control me or verbally expressing that they wanted to' marry me'. Which I thought to be bizarre. I didn't want to get married and strongly believed I could never love anyone else.
The last relationship I was involved in, after 1 month of dating the guy he stalked me for 1 yr. after I broke it off with him.That's when life really took a turn for me. My parents found out even more of what was going on with me. All the floodgates had opened. All the cards were put on the table. How?

First, One night while I was sleeping,God had revealed to me in a dream that I was pregnant. I had no clue what was going on and why the dream kept replaying in my mind after that night. A couple of weeks had passed since the dream had taken place. Second, God was revealing everything to my parents through my aunt one bible study evening. He told her everything I did. Next God instructed my aunt to tell my parents.( my parents were there too) That same night, God spoke with my pastor also that night( he was at church also) of what was going on with me. I was at church at the same evening my pastor,aunt & parents were. We all were in bible study. Then bible study turned into a spiritual warfare. It became a prayer room instantly because some of
My friends starting to get demons casted out of them. Bible study had started at 7pm and ended at 2am that night. However, In the midst of what was taking place,my My Pastor kindly pulled me aside to speak with me. He even explained to me what God showed him. He explained the dream that I had and I never shared the dream to him or anyone else beforehand! My Pastor told me I had a choice. God was giving me a choice. . If I stay with this guy, I would get pregnant. I decided to end the relationship that night. I knew I wasn't ready for kids.

I still a mess at that time. I even thought about converting to a different religion. But I knew that this was not going to help.I was running away from God still, while He was faithfully by my side. Warning me about everything that could have happened but didn't happen to me. He even spared my life from demonic possession ( I later found out from God through the Holy Spirit that the guy i was dating was possessed by demons.i had no clue beforehand ). That same night when My pastor talked w/ me is the same night i ended the relationship.
It wasn't until before I transferred colleges (months after that relationship) that I cut off all ties with the Internet guy I was involved with when I was in high school . By then I was 19 yrs old. I had rededicated my life to God believing that Jesus Christ is the Son of God & He died on the cross for our sins after attending a youth convention called Joshua Revolution. After that moment I wanted to do what was right in God's eyes. God was working on me and helped me out in so many ways.Even my church family helped better( the youth) and my own relationship with God. God had got me back on the right track. God had delivered me from all the self-esteem, depression, promiscuity and suicide issues. I learned how to truly forgive those who did me wrong (including the people who used to tease me in middle school)... I even found out that prayer was just a conversation with God.That you can talk to Him about anything and He listens. After God listens, He can speak to you and talk to you... Keeping it real. That He is never distant, not always judgmental and wrathful but understanding. I learned that God is a loving God and sent His Son Jesus Christ to redeem mankind.
if your wondering what happened next, I did end up finishing college. I've also witnessed The Lord God deliver and set free my relatives from their own drug & alcohol addictions  leading them to a church they needed to be at. Through it All I can say God has brought me from a long way.
May the Lord God bless you all !





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